Here are several beautiful images from his Machinalia series, and here are some of his assorted works.
(WHO CAN RUIN A FILM JUST BY BEING IN IT)
5. Rosie O’Donnell – She rounds out the top 5 because since A League of their Own, I’ve had no desire to watch any movies with her in them. I think I find her smug delivery a little unbecoming, though admittedly she hasn’t been in many films.
4. Angela Bassett – I know she was in Contact, but man, I can’t even muster up the will power to watch Akeelah and the Bee. I think she kind of epitomizes what I dislike about cultural films (films like Soul Food). She’s sort of like the Diane Keaton of ethnic dramas.
3. Paris Hilton – I’m proud to say I have yet to see a film with Paris Hilton in it, though if I ever DO see one, it will most likely be on accident, or if Kubrick came back from the grave and cast her in his film.
2. Rob Schneider – He’s like a crappy David Spade stand in, and David Spade ALMOST made this top 5 (but I did find Tommy Boy to be funny). That alone should say enough about why Deuce Bigalow is number two on this list.
1. Laura Linney – This one is highly personal and may be controversial (for I hear a lot of people like this overacting woman). I swear, I fast-forwarded through several of her scenes in John Adams, and I would have liked Truman Show more if she weren’t in it. There are highly acclaimed films like The Savages which I have no interest to see because of her inclusion in them. She has two expressions: psychotic sarcastic half smile, and wide-eyed startled sobbing, and I loathe both of them.
For anyone who’s actually HAD a cracked tooth, there isn’t much more needed to be said. For those who are fortunate enough to have skirted the trauma, I can assure you it is a pain to rival most. This is especially true if you crack a molar.
Exposed nerves = bad.
(WITH SURPRISING VOICES)
5. Jonathan Meiburg (Shearwater) – Image / Voice
4. Kristian Matsson (Tallest Man On Earth) – Image / Voice
3. Andrew Bird – Image / Voice
2. Thomas Dybdahl – Image / Voice
1. Ray Lamontagne – Image / Voice
(BLOOD WINS!)
I know that No Country for Old Men took the award for best picture at the Academy Awards, but I don’t see how the critics chose it over There Will Be Blood. For me, Blood was a stronger, more rewarding film. Daniel Day Lewis and P.T. Anderson gave me a glimpse into the foundation of the oil economy, and drew me deeper into a seemingly one-dimensional character than I thought I could have gotten.
No Country came off as a faithful retelling of a novel where the emptiness between action created the story’s tone. Which can work fine on paper, but on screen, with the Cohen Brothers at the helm, it felt desolate, a sketch of a film, a skeleton of an idea where the dots connected, vaguely, but didn’t really care if we the viewer did so. It was no Blood Simple, I can say that. All of this said, I still liked No Country.
I left No Country asking myself what I had just watched, and came up with a fragment of an idea. I left Blood with questions about the characters and their motivations, but the good kind, the kind that keep you talking for days on end.
I am only on the second book in this projected seven volume fantasy epic, but I can already tell you that A Song of Ice and Fire is one of my favorites series’ of all time. Without getting into a detailed dissertation on why George R.R. Martin has reimagined the genre and brought a new way of looking at stayed archetypes, I will just say that this author knows how to create scenes. Each chapter is told from a different viewpoint of one of the central characters, and there are usually about six or seven characters we follow in each book. The format makes for sprawling, engaging storytelling, and the fantasy elements are not your typical trolls and dragons (though dragons do exist in some fashion).
HBO has actually optioned the rights to this series, and has a plan to turn each book into a single season of episodes. No news on the development yet, but plans had been made to shoot this series in New Zealand were it to go into production. It would be a very special series, and HBO would be the perfect venue for it (for there is plenty of murder, warring, sex, and betrayal to go around for everyone).
If you have avoided reading fantasy because you aren’t interested in wizards or hobbits, then this might be a series you should check out. There’s an alcoholic king, a sarcastic imp, a Tom Sawyer like young girl, and a foreign woman who isn’t too afraid of fire, to name a few.
Go check out the first book now, and buy the rest while you’re at it.
(BAZ LUHRMANN’S EPIC “AUSTRALIA”)
Baz Luhrmann wrote and directed this upcoming film; Nicole Kidman (usually a solid actress) stars alongside Hugh Jackman; the story feels in parts whimsical, and in others epic. So why am I not thrilled for Australia to come out? Let’s start at the top.
(1) I just had vision of Jackman coming out of a saloon full of banditos and carving a giant ‘C’ on another bandito’s blouse with his retractable metal claws, then proclaiming he is Zorro’s second cousin Carcayú (Wolverine en español).
(2) Man, I hope Josh Hartnett and Kate Beckinsdale don’t have a kissing scene in this movie. It was hard enough watching it happen the first time in Pearl Harbor.
(3) Marcus Aurelius would be proud. So would Ridley Scott. And the dozen or so multi-vitamin commercials that have also used this masterful cinematic hand-grazing-wheat moment.
(4) “There’s a whole ocean of oil under our feet, and no-one can get at it but me!” Oh wait, that was a different movie, with a better actor. Whoops.
(WHOSE NAMES CONJURE DEATH)
5. Dead Meadow – Fuzzed out rock band, harkens to the 60’s without the nostalgic pomp.
4. Death From Above 1979 – Bad ass two-man dance-punk band from Toronto, now defunct, made famous again by CSS a year ago.
3. Death Cab For Cutie – Ben Gibbard and team continue to pump out catchy pop songs and ballads that stay in your head for longer than you like.
2. Sun Kil Moon – Okay, so “kill” is misspelled in this band name, but that can’t stop Mark Kozelek from entering this Top 5. He could probably find a way to make it into every one of my lists.
1. Dead Can Dance – Brendan Perry and Lisa Gerrard used to be married, and used to live in an Irish castle, and used to make some of the best music ever.
My post about veggie burgers led me to a spoof product from a couple years back, designed to have some fun with the absurdity of soy and tofu-based product names.
So if you’re “a cannibal who wants to quit,” then Hufu, The Healthy Human Flesh Alternative, is for you.
My disdain for veggie burgers has less to do with me being omnivorous, and more to do with the questions I’ve always had for the marketing toward vegetarians and vegans in general. Am I the only one who is insulted by the fact that most all vegetarian products are named and advertised as though its consumers were two years old?
Whether we’re talking about Tofurkey, Rice Dream, Silk or Veat, I can’t help picture the marketing teams at these companies all gathered around their fake jiggling turkey in awe, and then coming up with the first word that came to their minds. Then they all giggled and then called the graphic designers to put some cute box art together for distribution.
And I’ll close by saying I still don’t understand why vegans and vegetarians pine for meatless meats so vicariously. Isn’t the very idea of abstaining from eating meat to do just that? Why shape your tofu to look and taste like the thing you’re supposed to have given up? Just eat the vegetables, skip the veggie burger. Sheesh.
