Category: Top 5

(CELEBRITIES ONLY)

5. Mickey Rourke – Rourke reportedly states that his plastic surgery was a means to simply correct the imperfections caused by years of amateur boxing. Fair enough. Nose job, no problem. Cheek implants, not really necessary, but I hear he broke a cheekbone. But the lip implants, face lifts, etc. seem to go above and beyond the call of duty.

4. Leona Helmsley – “We don’t pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.” Ms. Helmsley was a tax evading hotel billionaire, and something of a tyrant. The Queen of Mean served 18 months in prison (reporting to the clink on, you guessed it, April 15… tax day). She saved enough of her fortune to succesfully mangle her face, however, before passing away from congestive heart failure at age 87.

She left most of her $4 billion estate to her own charitable trust, $15 million to her brother, $10 million each to two of her four grandchildren. The other two received nothing (allegedly because they did not name any of their children after their grandfather Harry). However, she did set aside $12 million to her dog Trouble. Aww!

3. Joan Rivers – Once the sidekick to late show legend Johnny Carson, Ms. Rivers has been the guinea pig for plastic surgeons since the late 80’s. But when her husband committed suicide just one week after she left him (she was having liposuction when she received the call), some speculated she spent many years and dollars trying to reinvent herself, to be somebody she never was: beautiful.

She is unabashed about having work done, and believes you should spend your money on you (literally). “Better a new face coming out of an old car, than and old face coming out of a new car.” Oh, the irony.

2. Donnatella Versace – Since taking over for her late father Gianni, Donnatella has undergone a series of interesting procedures, the most notable being her lip augmentation, which looks to me like two inntertubes stuffed under her skin then inflated to the point of bursting. Botox forehead, breast implants, and who knows what else, we sort of have to question the taste of this couture fashionista, do we not?

1. Michael Jackson – The recently deceased (cause of death wildly speculative though still under investgation) King of Pop is obviously the most extreme case of a makeover gone awry. We all know of his troubled youth, his abusive father, and his never-ending desire to be a child at heart. But we also know that he used to be a black man.

One of the most important black men in history, as a matter of fact. He brought people of every shape, size and color together in rejoice. All of the infamy did nothing to assuage the troubles lurking beneath the surface. A severe addiction to pain killers, and what many speculate to be a passion to shed his ethnicity, lead to a series of incrementally damaging surgical procedures.

Not only did he lose the ability to not look startled, the ability to smell through his undersized triangular nostrils, and the ability to grow facial hair on his cleft chin without looking like a prepubescent criminal, but he also bleached his skin from head to toe supposedly in order to match the pigment loss caused by an apparent case of vitiligo, a condition also suffered by Chris Smith of the 90’s rap duo Kriss Kross.

(AT THE CLOSE OF THE FIRST QUARTER, THAT IS)

 

5. “You Are the Blood”
Sufjan Stevens

If this is the direction Sufjan is taking his new material, he may just be album of the year worthy. Of course he may pull that off no matter what he decides to put out. This song—one of the stand-outs from the very stand-outish compilation Dark Was the Night—is so glitchy nasty filthy, and irresistable, I want to go swimming in the La Brea Tar Pits. “You are the blood, flowing through my fingers.” Maybe this is his way of purging all those damn Christmas songs from his blood stream?

 

(FROM LAST NIGHT’S SHOW @ BAM)

Apparently my “okay” review of Grizzly Bear last night ruffled some feathers. I wanted to follow up with a positive post about the show, and share with you my top 5 songs from the setlist:

 

5. “Colorado”

As I mentioned above, this song also suited Droste’s reverbed crooning perfectly. “What now what now what now what now what?” The chorus had me transfixed and entranced, if I can be both at once. A very good song and performance.

 

4. “Central and Remote”

The original song on the Yellow House LP already had some excellent arrangements. The way this song ebbs and flows is perfectly suited for some exciting moments with the Brooklyn Philharmonic, and the band did not disappoint.

 

3. “Deep Blue Sea”

I still feel that Rossen stole the show, I just love the guy’s voice. This song, from the Red Hot Organization’s Dark was the Night album, really showcased his songwriting and vocal prowess. “And it was mama, that got drowned in. In that deep, deep blue sea.” Tragic.

 

2. “Ready, Able”

Droste sounds a bit like Jens Lekman during the first half of this song, in a good way. I found myself a little uninterested at first. But once the drums kicked in and the chorus took over, I was hooked. “They go we go, I want you to know, what I did I did.” Repeat. And again, and again. More lush, haunting lyrics, and Rossen’s falsetto harmonies later on… just lovely.

 

1. “Two Weeks”

I really was into the keyboard riff that drove this song. I remember them playing this one on Letterman a little while ago, and they did the song justice at last night’s venue. The song, for me, is a great demonstration of all of the band’s allure. Macabre barber shop harmonies, experimental arrangements, and wonderful vocal flourishes wandering back and forth, coming into focus just when you think you might lose them.

 

Songs I found a little flat include “Dory”, “Foreground” and “Reprise” (though I did enjoy the banjo playing on the latter).

Here are the other two songs from my list, though not from last night’s performance: “Deep Blue Sea”, and “Two Weeks”.

*Thank you to One for the Good Days, for the mp3’s above.

(BUT VINCE THINKS I REALLY SHOULD.)

5. Let the Right One In (2008)
Director: Tomas Alfredson

Vince: Two kids, ones a vampire both in love. What a great plot. This film is beautifully shot, a stunning and original horror film.
Ryan: I actually really want to see this. It was not at many theaters and I didn’t get a chance to see it when it was out. I’ll be renting this DVD.

 

4. Reprise (2006)
Director: Joechem Trier

Vince: Really fresh movie making. One of the few movies that can make you happy, sad, happy, sad every 15 minutes.
Ryan: Sure, why not?

 

3. Paris, Texas (1984)
Director: Wim Wenders

Vince: This is one of my favorite movies. A great achievement in style, characters, film making.
Ryan: Seems like a boring but beautiful film to me. And the protagonist, Harry Dean Stanton (he’s in Big Love now I think), I find to be somewhat turnoffish.

 

2. Before Night Falls (2000)
Director: Julian Schnabel

Vince: Beautiful movie. Rich with texture, great film making, amazing story. Javier Bardem’s performance is stunning, one of the best true story reenactments that I have ever seen.
Ryan: I like Javier Bardem, but that Julian Schnabel dude really irks me in interviews. I don’t know why. I’ll give this film (and his Diving Bell films) a chance, eventually.

 

1. The Wrestler (2008)
Director: Darren Aronofsky

Vince: No explanation needed here. Hands down one of the best movies this year. Mickey Rourke, Darren Aronofsky, Pro Wrestling and Marrisa Tomei are enough to get me in the theater.
Ryan: This one is heavy on my radar, as in NEXT UP. I want to see it before the Oscars so I can firmly say whether or not Slumdog is as unbeatable as I think it is.

(MOSTLY MELLOW COVERS, MIND YOU.)

 

5. Coldplay (Joe Satriani)
“Viva la Vida”

Since the lawsuit is for plagiarism, I will go on a limb and preemptively call Viva la Vida… a cover of Joe Satriani’s 2004 song “If I Could Fly”. But only to make a joke. Hardy har. I don’t really like either song though, but it made for a good giggle, right?

 

4. Mark Kozelek (Low)
“Lazy”

Surprise surprise. Mark Kozelek on a Liftingfaces Top 5 list. But seriously, this is a good cover, and here’s why: Who would have thought Mark Kozelek would take a song by Low and actually make it happier? Not I.

 

3. Adem (Aphex Twin)
“To Cure a Weakling Child / Boy/Girl Song”

Aphex Twin’s original “Girl/Boy Song” is one of my favorite songs ever. So I spotted the carnivalesque plucking in Adem’s medley straight away. He managed to make this work, adding in vocals from a different Aphex Twin track. In a word: wonderblissfullness.

 

2. Calico Horse (Radiohead)
“Idioteque”

I’m a sucker for taking up-tempo songs and dipping them in molasses (see my number 3 cover), and this is no exception. I’m not as tuned into Calico Horse as a band, but this cover jumped out at me and clung to my black designer sweater like my golden retriever’s tail hair. Ummmm, yeah, okay, moving on.

 

1. Yael Naim (Britney Spears)
“Toxic”

This was a clear winner for me. You’ve probably heard it already, but who cares, listen again…and again and again. It goes to show that underneath the caked on foundation and fake eyelashes and silicone breasts of pop music, there are actually some good songs.

(HOLIDAY TRAGEDIES)

5. “I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas” by Barry Gordon
Normally a bratty kid would deserve coal in his stocking without further thought. But I can’t help but hear undertones of parental neglect, thus leading to a child’s need to act out, running beneath the playful lyrics. I feel for him, I know that pain.

4. “Snow Angel” by Over the Rhine
A song about a woman whose lover falls onto the snow and dies. A Merry Christmas indeed. The singer, Karin Bergquist, told me she had to record it in pieces, from the end to the beginning, because she kept breaking down. You can blame her husband Linford for that one.

3. “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth” by George Rock
On the surface, this song doesn’t sound that tragic. But when you think about it for a minute, it’s sad, because you and I both know this kid isn’t getting his teeth in time for the holidays.

2. “Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis” by Tom Waits
So sad you want to laugh, this love letter from a (you guessed it) hooker in Minneapolis, to a guy named Charlie, is tragic indeed. She bares her soul to this man, but can’t even keep half of her lies straight. Turns out she just wants some money. Go figure.

1. “Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer” by Dr. Elmo
It’s bad enough grandma got drunk and then got trampled by a reindeer, but grandpa watching football on the couch as if nothing even happened? Man that’s cold. The ultimate tragedy, presented in a darkly comedic format.

(THE ONES IN OUTER SPACE)

5. MIMOSA (350 Light Years)

4. JOB’S COFFIN (100 Light Years)

3. DERF (100 Light Years)

2. SHAM (500 Light Years)

1. TELESCOPIUM (75 Light Years)

(RECORDED SINCE 1700 A.D.)

5. California, United States (113 attacks, 15 fatal)

4. Queensland, Australia (103 attacks, 38 fatal)

3. New South Wales, Australia (140 attacks, 61 fatal)

2. Natal, South Africa (214 attacks, 41 fatal)

1. Florida, United States (577 attacks, 13 fatal)

(FOR BOYS, MOSTLY)

 

5. HAL (short for Harry)

I’ll go into more detail a few names down, but ‘Harry’ is a variation of ‘Henry’, and the Normans didn’t like pronouncing the letter ‘R’ very much, and so the shortname for ‘Harry’ might have been ‘Har’ (pronouced ‘hair’), but the ‘R’ became an ‘L’ and this is where ‘Hal’ came from.

 

4. DICK (short for Richard)

So now we know the Normans didn’t like pronouncing the letter ‘R’, right? This means that while ‘Rick’ was a more obvious nickname for ‘Richard’, the Normans traded the ‘R’ with a ‘D’ leaving us with the flattering nickname ‘Dick’.

 

3. CHUCK (short for Charles)

Once I learned the root of ‘Charles’, this one wasn’t that odd, but I serve these names up to you on the premise that this knowledge is obscure at best. Apparently ‘Charles’ in Middle English is ‘Chukken’, which is where the nickname ‘Chuck’ stems from. That was easy, wasn’t it?

 

2. JACK (short for John)

The Norman/English have commandeered my top 5 list again. This time they went and added a term for ‘little’ onto many of their names. That suffix was ‘-kin’. So Jenkin (or little John) became corrupted into ‘Jakin’, which subsequently became truncated into ‘Jack’. Well, duh!

 

1. HANK (short for Henry)

Similar to ‘Jack’, there was a variation of Henry called ‘Henkin’, which also became ‘Hankin’, then truncated to ‘Hank’. Once you know about the ‘-kin’ suffix it makes some sense, but without that insight, it’s mighty arbitrary looking.

(RAP, NOT HIP-HOP)

(RESULTS ARE APPROXIMATE)

 

5. Ronald Reagan – 11,300,000 hits

 

4. John F. Kennedy – 14,100,000 hits

 

3. George Washington – 16,800,000 hits

 

2. Bill Clinton – 21,600,000 hits

 

1. George W. Bush – 47,600,000 hits

NOTEWORTHY

– John McCain has more hits than all of these presidents, with 60,900,000 hits, and Barack Obama has more than John McCain, with 76,300,000 hits. And they’re not even president yet!

(CURRENTLY IN PRODUCTION)

5. Pontiac Aztek

On par with the Honda Element, this stand-outish SUV looks much worse in person. The aphalling rear-hatch looks like someone started crushing this thing in the trash compacter and then changed their minds at the last second. Too bad for us.

 

4. Honda Fit

I have a thing for hatchbacks, I’ll admit it. With the exception of the Audi A3, I pretty much loathe them. But this one takes the notion to a new level of suck. Along with the Pontiac Vibe’s and the Toyota Prius’s of the world, this car proves further that the car exec’s think twenty-something women prefer cars that look like crap.

 

3. PT Cruiser

Possibly the most infamous example of homage gone awry, the PT Cruiser somehow, miraculously, continues to sell. Maybe it’s just me who doesn’t get the irony of reimagining the original Ford Woodie, but man . . .

 

2. Chevy SSR

I don’t know who told the fine folks at Chevy it would be a good idea to take the Dodge Neon and turn it into a mini-truck from a Jetson’s future gone wrong. But they did it anyway, and now we get to watch as these identity-crisis inflicted car/truck things cruise past us. We can’t stand to look, but we can’t look away. Must be the fluorescent colors they paint these monstrosities in.

 

1. Scion xB

I feel the pity for post office workers and milkmen across the nation. Ever since Toyota went ahead with the Scion line of vehicles, they’ve rubber stamped the first-car community as idiots who think aerodynamics is only theoretical. This van/truck/car is the equivalent of what it would look like if you asked your non-artistic friend to draw a car on a piece of paper.

(NOT INCLUDING SNL)

5. Catch Me If You Can – Frank Abagnale Sr.

“Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn’t quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse.”

4. The Rundown – Hatcher

“I feel like a little boy who’s lost his first tooth, put it under his pillow, waiting for the tooth-fairy to come. Only two evil burglars have crept in my window, and snatched it, before she could get here. [sidekick translates to villagers] Wait a second, do you understand the concept of the tooth-fairy? Explain it to them. [more translation] Wait. She takes the God damned thing, and gives you a quarter. They’ve got my tooth. I want it back.”

3. Poolhall Junkies – Uncle Mike

“This lion, is the king of the jungle, huge mane out to here. He’s laying down under a tree, in the middle of Africa. He’s so big. So hot. He doesn’t want to move. Now, the little lions come they start messing with him, biting his tail biting his ears, he doesn’t do anything. […] Now, the other animals they notice. And they start to move in. The jackals, hyenas, they’re barking at him laughing at him. They nip his toes, and eat the food, and get in his domain. They do this, and get closer and closer and bolder and bolder ’til one day, that lion gets up and tears the shit outta’ everybody. Runs like the wind. Eats everything in his path, ’cause every once in a while, the lion has to show the jackals, who he is. It’s too late to be scared. It’s time to kill.”

2. Pulp Fiction – Captain Koons

“This watch was on your daddy’s wrist when he was shot down over Hannoi. He was captured, put in a Vietnamese prison camp. He knew that if the gooks ever saw the watch, they’d confiscate it, take it away. The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He’d be damned if any slope’s gonna’ put his greasy yellow hands on his boy’s birthright. So he hid it, in one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years he wore this watch, up his ass.”

1. True Romance – Vincenzo Coccotti

“You know, Sicilians, are great liars. The best, in the world. I’m Sicilian. My father was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars. From growing up with him, I learned the pantomime. There are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies, to give himself away. A guy’s got seventeen pantomimes. A woman’s got twenty, guy’s got seventeen. But, if you know them, like you know your own face, they’d be lie detectors all to hell. Now, what we got here, is a little game of show-and-tell: You don’t wanna’ show me nothing, but you’re telling me everything. I know you know where they are. So. Tell me. Before I do some damage, that you won’t walk away from.”

(THAT I’VE RESEARCHED, AT LEAST)

Letter Count: 28 letters
This is the longest word in the English dictionary, even though you could add prefixes and suffixes to other names to make longer ones. It made the list because some of these other words below are translations, requiring more letters in English than they would in their own language.

Letter Count: 54 letters
This monstrocity is a chemical used for pain relief of tooth aches. It’s technically a medicinal word, allowing it to add and morph as many elements as needed to articulate their point. This one comes with a lot of caveats it seems.

Letter Count: 58 letters
Believe it or not, there is a place in Wales with this name. Good luck telling your cabbie to get you there, though.

Letter Count: 165 letters
I’m not kidding when I tell you that the jumble of letters above is also an actual location in Thailand. What were these guys thinking? I’d be winded just telling someone where I was going.

Letter Count: 179 letters
Once upon a time, there was an Indian chief who lived his days in Wisconsin. He died in 1866, but left as his legacy, the longest name in history, clocking in at a whopping 179 letters.

(MENSA, FOR REAL!)

5. Norman Swarzkopf – Retired Army General

4. Natalie Portman – Actress

3. Shakira – Pop Singer

2. Dolph Lundgren – Actor/Karateka

1. Chino XL – Rapper

(PAST AND PRESENT)

5. Ben Kingsley – For his role as Ghandi alone, Sir Ben Kingsley is on this list. His character Don Logan in Sexy Beast was also bald, but on the opposite side of the karmic spectrum. An all around great actor who absorbs himself in every role, like House of Sand and Fog.

4. Gary Oldman – He’s played roles ranging from Sid Vicious to Sirius Black, and just about everything in between. He scared us in Dracula and Hannibal, and is known for playing the bad guy. But in films like The Professional and Batman Begins, we see that he is not so one dimensional, and can take on the role of protagonist with ease.

 

3. Johnny Depp – This guy might have everyone on this list beat for sheer scope of fun characters. Though he had acted in Platoon and 21 Jump Street beforehand, it was his role as Edward Scissorhands that made people take note. Since then he’s played everybody from Ichabod Crane to Hunter S. Thompson to Willy Wonka to Donnie Brasco. It’s good to be Jack Sparrow . . . I mean, Johnny Depp.

 

2. Peter Sellers – One of the greats, though no longer with us. He gave us Inspector Clouseau. He gave us Captain Lionel Mandrake, President Merkin Muffley, and Dr. Strangelove. He gave us Hrundi V. Bakshi in The Party (“Birdie Num Num”). His role as Chance, the Magritte-like gardner in the film Being There, nearly won him an Oscar. Oh, and he may be one of the greatest comedians every to act in front of the camera.

 

1. Daniel Day Lewis – His resumé may not be as deep as some of the others on this list, but I do believe Daniel Day Lewis to be the single most versatile actor ever to grace the big screen. He is like the Olympic athlete of acting, the one who no-one can beat. I can imagine he inspires as many actors as he frustrates, simply out of sheer talent. He pops on the scene every few years to collect more accolade, and perhaps an Oscar or two. And Daniel Plainview was every bit as gripping as any leading role I’ve seen to date.

(UNDER THE AGE OF 50)

5. Christopher Nolan
Anyone able to resurrect the Batman franchise and show us how it’s done deserves my respect. Plus Memento was a marvelous feat, and Insomnia was also great. While I didn’t LOVE The Prestige, I still felt that Nolan’s presence could be felt in the style.

4. Alfonso Cuarón
One word: CHILDREN OF MEN. He is on this list for two reasons: consistency and style. Since Great Expectations, I love just about all of his films. He made the best Harry Potter film, and I think he should have been the one doing The Hobbit.

3. David Fincher
I’ll give him a pass for Panic Room, because he made Fight Club. Fincher’s style has been something I’ve loved ever since I first saw Se7en. His grit and realism is just one-of-a-kind, you know you’re watching a Fincher film.

2. Paul Thomas Anderson
Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch Drunk Love, and There Will Be Blood. The resumé speaks for itself, but I will say that for someone that has been compared to Scorsese, he has carved out his own niche for films that put the character before all else, and tell stories in intimate ways that (I think) inspired other great achievements like Six Feet Under.

1. The Coen Brothers
Since Blood Simple, it has been clear that The Coen Brothers know how to make a movie. Fargo is one of my favorite movies of all time, and No Country for Old Men (while not as good as There Will Be Blood) was another awesome example of their signature sparse style.

(TO FALL ASLEEP TO)

5. Great Lake Swimmers – Mp3 – A relatively new band, Great Lake Swimmers have mastered the whole acoustic-guitars-in-a-barn-silo-with-no-audience-save-for-the-crickets subgenre of folk music. All of this works, in large part because of lead singer Tony Dekker’s vocals, which sound as much like another instrument as Thom Yorke’s at his finest. I’m not saying Tony can outsing Thom (few can), but his voice certainly serves his own band perfectly.

4. Richard Hawley – Mp3 – He has a timeless voice, a strange blend of Frank Sinatra, Roy Orbison and Morrissey. Hawley evokes dream-like imagery every time I listen to him. Sometimes his songs shimmer and swell, other times they’re just quiet ballads to relax to, but always his voice pierces through.

3. Stars of the Lid – Mp3 – The ambient beauty these guys create is so soothing, it’s hard to stay awake through an entire album. Which is why I play them while I’m working, just to find out what that last track sounds like. And with album titles like “December Hunting For Vegetarian Fuckface,” it’s clear there’s more than one level to appreciate this band on.

2. Low – Mp3 – Their early material built in layers at a glacial pace, and as the pioneers of a sadcore subgenre from Duluth, Minnesota, this husband/wife team have put out some of the most laid back, haunting, and beautiful songs ever recorded. Mimi Parker’s voice is one of a kind, and Alan Sparhawk only serves to compliment her with mellow, minor key vocals of his own.

1. Red House Painters – Mp3 – Mark Kozelek tops my list for sheer consistency. I originally put his band’s entire catalog in a CD changer and just let it shuffle (something I rarely do). It took me several weeks to figure out which songs belonged on which album, and that was a good thing. It was like I kept rediscovering their music every night. His voice is usually mixed back with the instrumentation (esp. the older material), which serves the songs well. It’s hard to pick one song or even one album when I want to listen to them, which is what puts Red House Painters safely at the top for me.

(SINCE THE YEAR 2000)

5. Robin Pecknold (of Fleet Foxes) – Beard – Voice
This band has blossomed this year, but they have fast become one of the most talked about indie groups to come along in a while. Pecknold sounds a touch like Jim James oddly enough, though with a little less of the Kermit the Frog vibe. His isn’t the most intense beard on this list, but a beard it is.

4. Jim James (of My Morning Jacket) – Beard – Voice
Jim’s beard is a little bit Amish, so extra points for that. He’s been with his band since 1998, and he’s had his beard ever since. He may rely on reverb to create the tone of his music, but he’s got one of the more distinct voices in the genre.

3. Will Oldham (aka Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy) – Beard – Voice
I know, I know he sometimes sports only his forest-thick mustachio, but for the most part Oldham is bearded. He has a sort of psychopathic-anorexic-pirate vibe about him, but that’s what makes his music even more dark and sinister.

2. Devendra Banhart – Beard – Voice
Despite his hipster status as Natalie Portman’s latest fling, Banhart has put out some solid albums at a very young age, and he’s the only guy on this list who has paired his beard with a bedazzled gypsy bikini. A true bearded lady, and his songwriting is (for the most part) brilliant.

1. Sam Beam (of Iron and Wine) – Beard – Voice
Pound-for-pound, the best singer, songwriter, and beard on this list. He hasn’t put out a bad record yet. He also used to teach at a film school, which might have swayed me just a little bit. Despite all of this, his music under the Iron & Wine moniker has danced at the top of many year-end lists from the top critics, and for good reason.

(WHO CAN RUIN A FILM JUST BY BEING IN IT)

5. Rosie O’Donnell – She rounds out the top 5 because since A League of their Own, I’ve had no desire to watch any movies with her in them. I think I find her smug delivery a little unbecoming, though admittedly she hasn’t been in many films.

4. Angela Bassett – I know she was in Contact, but man, I can’t even muster up the will power to watch Akeelah and the Bee. I think she kind of epitomizes what I dislike about cultural films (films like Soul Food). She’s sort of like the Diane Keaton of ethnic dramas.

3. Paris Hilton – I’m proud to say I have yet to see a film with Paris Hilton in it, though if I ever DO see one, it will most likely be on accident, or if Kubrick came back from the grave and cast her in his film.

2. Rob Schneider – He’s like a crappy David Spade stand in, and David Spade ALMOST made this top 5 (but I did find Tommy Boy to be funny). That alone should say enough about why Deuce Bigalow is number two on this list.

1. Laura Linney – This one is highly personal and may be controversial (for I hear a lot of people like this overacting woman). I swear, I fast-forwarded through several of her scenes in John Adams, and I would have liked Truman Show more if she weren’t in it. There are highly acclaimed films like The Savages which I have no interest to see because of her inclusion in them. She has two expressions: psychotic sarcastic half smile, and wide-eyed startled sobbing, and I loathe both of them.

(WITH SURPRISING VOICES)

5. Jonathan Meiburg (Shearwater) – Image / Voice

4. Kristian Matsson (Tallest Man On Earth) – Image / Voice

3. Andrew Bird – Image / Voice

2. Thomas Dybdahl – Image / Voice

1. Ray Lamontagne – Image / Voice

(WHOSE NAMES CONJURE DEATH)

5. Dead Meadow – Fuzzed out rock band, harkens to the 60’s without the nostalgic pomp.

4. Death From Above 1979 – Bad ass two-man dance-punk band from Toronto, now defunct, made famous again by CSS a year ago.

3. Death Cab For Cutie – Ben Gibbard and team continue to pump out catchy pop songs and ballads that stay in your head for longer than you like.

2. Sun Kil Moon – Okay, so “kill” is misspelled in this band name, but that can’t stop Mark Kozelek from entering this Top 5. He could probably find a way to make it into every one of my lists.

1. Dead Can Dance – Brendan Perry and Lisa Gerrard used to be married, and used to live in an Irish castle, and used to make some of the best music ever.

(WHO ARE, AT THE TIME OF THIS POST, STILL ALIVE.)

 

5. Hugo “Hurley” Reyes – He is the most naturally funny character on the island, and you can tell the writers enjoy writing for his character. He plays an integral role, and manages to stay clueless for the most part. For that reason, he is number 5 and not higher. But he is definitely responsible for several of my favorite scenes.

 

4. Daniel Faraday – At first, I just thought he was remixing Brad Pitt’s character in 12 Monkeys. And I still think he is, to a degree. But the writers have made him into a highly likable character, new to the show for season 4, but feels like he’s been a part of the team all along. There’s a scene where he indicates a bond with someone on the island that really intrigued me. I hope they follow up on this.

 

3. Desmond Hume – “See you in another life, brother.” Still one of my favorite lines of the entire series (right behind Jack’s “There’s a glass?” line). His accent and his demeanor resonate with me. He is somewhat of a rebel, and I like how important his connection to Penny and her father is becoming with every episode. I see exciting things for his future in the show.

 

2. Benjamin Linus – I had the same gripe about Faraday as I did about Ben, in that his character still feels like a reincarnation of Kevin Spacey’s role in the film “Seven”. But it is also for this reason that he is my favorite character to watch. The only thing holding me back from a number 1 spot for him would have to be his affinity for whining, juxtaposed to his borderline psychotic ramblings. For a guy who reads Tolstoy recreationally, he sure is an interesting character.

 

1. John Locke – To me, Locke embodies everything LOST has to offer a new viewer. He is easy to root for, and carries the most enigmatic qualities of the survivors. There are times you want to choke him yourself, and other times you are rooting for him with your fist in your mouth. Also, he comes off as the most distinctive superhero, a quality that personifies LOST in a lot of ways. And who knows how the guy keeps his head shiny bald episode after episode. Props to Locke.

(PAST AND PRESENT)

5. Cinnamon Toast Crunch – A solid staple in any cupboard.

4. Cookie Crisp – Cookies and milk, I mean, come on.

3. Trix – Trix are for kids, adults, and when I’m a senior citizen.

2. S’Mores – They changed the recipe, but they used to be irresistible.

1. Count Chocula – It’s like Lucky Charms, but with a gothic twist.

(WITH THE WORD “BLACK” IN THEIR NAME)

5. The Black Keys – Mp3

4. Black Swans – Mp3

3. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Mp3

2. The Black Angels – Mp3

1. Black Heart Procession – Mp3

(PAST AND PRESENT)

5. Shock G

4. JT the Bigga Figga

3. E40

2. Spice1

1. Too Short

(THAT GO REALLY GOOD TOGETHER. TRY IT.)

5. “Rain” – Bishop Allen

4. “Sugar Baby” – Samamidon

3. “Graveyard Girl” – M83

2. “Lost Verses” – Sun Kil Moon

1. “The Hot Hot Rays” – Fleet Foxes

(FROM DRAMAS FILMED IN THE PAST 10 YEARS)

5. “Memento” – This is technically a title sequence, rather than an opening scene as it were. But the iconic high-angle of Guy Pierce exposing a polaroid by shaking his hand, only to find out he was doing this action in reverse and the photograph was actually UN-developing, summarized the entire film so simply that it deserves a spot on the list.

4. “Michael Clayton” – The writing of this film is impeccable. Gilroy’s words, and Broadbent’s narration gave an amazing amount of tension to a visual sequence all but void of any life at all.

3. “Insider” – This film (and my wife agrees) is one of my top 5 favorites of all time. We are both big Lisa Gerrard and Michael Mann fanatics, so the merging of two artforms, as well as a great script and two stellar lead performances, made this opening sequence involving Al Pacino staring through a burlap sack in the Middle East on his way to an exclusive interview one of the best.

2. “Batman Begins” – I love Christian Bale as an actor. I love Christopher Nolan as a director (see above). I love Batman. This one is sort of a no-brainer. Though Bale was not in the opening scene, watching the child Bruce Wayne stranded in that well, with the bats, well it sort of gives you shivers.

1. “Fellowship of the Ring” – Because I have read the books, and I knew the epic nature of the characters, and where they were about to take me, seeing them on the big screen in all their glory gave me chills upon first, second, even third viewing.