Ryan Gets Stoned – Part I


At 1:15a last night, I was unpacking wardrobe boxes in my new Connecticut home while waiting for my sheets to dry. By 1:30a I felt a mild cramping in my lower left back, and figured I may have gas or something. By 1:45a I was literally on the ground writhing in what would later become the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

I tried to deal with the agony as long as possible, holding out hope that it may have been simple intestinal cramping, and would go away. It did not.

By 3:00a I had woken my sleeping father-in-law, and asked if he had any ibu-profin. I explained my symptoms to him and he said, without flinching, two simple words.

“Get dressed.”

We arrived at the Danbury Hospital ER within the half-hour, where I was admitted and laid on a stretcher in a small room. They placed an IV drip into my arm, and asked me to describe all of what had happened. I tried to do my best in between shallow, pulled, excruciating breaths. Soon after, they sedated me with narcotics, and asked that I strain my urine the next time I had to go, which I did without protest.

Then I slept.

Two hours later, I was awoke by a new nurse (the day nurse), who informed me we were headed to a CAT Scan, followed by an X-Ray. It’s worth noting that I felt much better by this time, what with the drugging and all. After being wheeled all around the hospital to take the tests I returned to my room to await the results. Within fifteen minutes the doctor on call came into the room. He reminded me of a skinnier Quentin Tarantino.

He told me that the CAT Scan showed what he suspected to be the case: I had a kidney stone, and based on the imagery, I had passed it while in the hospital. This doesn’t mean it has left my body, only that it has made its way from the kidneys and is now floating somewhere in my bladder.

The doctor discharged me with a prescription for Percocet, and two days rest, at which point I will have to have a follow up examination. I am currently back home in bed as I write this, the home I literally just moved into today.

My kidney still throbs vigorously when I stand up, and the pharmacy doesn’t open for another two hours. However, compared to my ordeal in the middle of the night, I am on top of the world.

All of this said, I will not be coming into the office tomorrow to work.


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“Ryan Gets Stoned – Part I”